THE BIG LEBOWSKI COOKBOOK – The Big Lebowski Cookbook

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Obviously You’re Not a Golfer

The Big Lebowski, considered by many to be the # 1 Cult Movie of All-Time. A Coen Brothers Film, starring Jeff Bridges as the Dude, with John Goodman, Julianna Moore, Steve Buscemi, and John Tarturro.

What’s it about?

The Dude (real name Jeffrey Lebowski), a Pot Smoking unemployed slacker living in Venice Beach, California, is a more or less happy-go-lucky soul, just going about his life, happy to drink his favored beverage, the White Russian Cocktail, which he calls Caucasians. Yes Dude enjoys his White Russians, smoking weed, listening to his favorite band Creedance Clearwater Rivival, hates The Eagles, and loves Bowling with his buddies, Walter and Donny.

The Dude is a left wing political liberal, happy going about his life as Bowling, Pot Smoking, Kahua drinking Stoner. Dude is a pacifist and doesn’t bother anyone.

Bunny Lebowski is the young “Trophy Wife” of a rich old cripple guy in Pasadena named Jeffrey Lebwoski. Bunny is a porn star who makes pron films produced by pornographer Jackie Treehorn who owns a big expensive beach house in Malibu. Bunny owes Jackie Treehorn money, and Jackie wants it, so he sendds a couple of his dumb goons to collect it from Bunny;s husband Jeff Lebowski. One problem. The goons go to the wrong Jeff Lebwoski;s house to collect. It’s a case of mistaken identity and Dude is the un-lucky recipient.

The Dude comes home one night and Jackie Treehorn’s two goons are waiting inside his apartment for him. They the Dude, rush him into the bathroom and stuff his head in the toilet bowl. Goon # 1 ask, “where’s the money Lebwoski?”

Dude replies, “what money?”

Goon 1 tells the Dude that his wife Bunny owes Jackie Treehorn money, whcih means the Dude owes Jacckie Treehorn money, and they want it.

Dude replies, “my wife? Do I look like I’m Fucking married? The Fucking toilet seat is up.”

The two dumb goons realize that he’s probably telling the truth, and that he’s a loser and not the rich husband of Bunny. Goon # 2 Woo ( a Chinaman) proceeds to Piss on the Dude’s rug. A rug that really tied the room together.

The next day, when the Dude goes bowling, he tells his buddies Walter and Donny what happened the night before. Dude tells them that the Chinaman (Woo) pissed on his beloved Rug. A rug that really tied the room together.

The Dude’s bowling buddy Walter convinces the Dude that the Chinaman is not the issue, and that the Dude should find the other Jeff Lebowski and have him compensate the Dude for his ruined pissed on rug, as it is his wife who owes Jackie Treehorn money, and that the goons were supposed to get the money from him (the rich Jeff Lebowski) and not the stoner Jeff Lebowski living in Venice Beach.

The Dude goes to Bunny Lebowski’s husband Jeff Lebowski’s house in Pasadena to get compensation for his rug. He has a conversation with the rich Jeffrey Lebowki who rebukes the Dude, ask him why he;s not at work on a weekday, and tells him “get a Job Sir.”

Dude walks out of the meeting as Mr. Lebowski shouts, “Condolences.”

Rich Jeff Lebowski’s manservant Brandt asks the Dude, “how’d your meeting go Mr. Lebowski?”

Dude anwers, “Great! The old man told me to take any rug in the house,” and Brandt let’s him take a rug of his choice.

The Dude meets Bunny Lebowski tanning out by the pool. Bunny tells the Dude, “I’ll Suck your Cock for a $1,000, but Brandt can’t watch or he has to pay $100.”

Brandt chuckles, and spurts, “a wonderful women. We all love her.”

Brandt tells Bunny, the Dude has to be going.

Dude, says, “I’m gonna find a cash machine,” jokingly referring to Bunny’s offer of the $1,000 Blow Job.

Dude, takes the rug and leaves.

A short time later, rich Lebowski’s man-servant Brandt contacts Dude, leaving a message on the Dudes answering machine, telling Dude that he and Mr. Lebowski would very much like to see him. Brandt tells Dude that it’s OK that he took the rug under false pretenses and that it’s OK, he can keep the rug.

The Dude complies with Brandt’s request, and he drives out to Pasadena to meet with Brandt and The Big Lebowski.

The Big Lebowski informs the Dude that his wife Bunny has been kidnapped and there’s a note from the kidnappers stating that they are holding Bunny for ransom.

Brandt take Dude to the side and tells him, “Mr. Lebowski is prepared to make him a very generous offer.” Mr. Lebowski wants the Dude to deliver the ransom money, and he will pay the Dude $25,000 to make the drop when the time comes. Brandt gives the Dude a Beeper and an old Brick Cel Phone and tells the Dude to wait for the call.

The next day while relaxing at home, lying on his new rug and listening to Bowling Sounds on his Sony Walkman, someone comes into the Dudes home, and knocks him out and take the Dude’s rug.

The Dude wakes up from a telephone call. Brandt is trying to reach the Dude.

The Dude pasy a visit to Brandt at the Big Lebowski’s house, and Brandt gives the Dude a briefcase with the ransome money, and tells the Dude, “her life is in your hands Dude.”

Dude grimaces to Brandt’s statement, and tells Brandt, “don’t tell me that.” He takes the buy money, and is on his way. The Dude picks up Walter along the way. Walter opens Dude’s driver side door, throws in a beat-up old leather briefcase and tells Dude to move over. He jumps in Dude’s car and starts driving.

Dude asks Walter, “What the Hell is this?” referring to Walter’s briefcase. Walter says, “my dirty undies.”

Dude, “what the Fuck.”

Walter tells the Dude that he’s going to throw out his briefcase with his dirt underwear in it in place of Dude’s briefcase with thee buy money. Then they’ll grab one of the kidnappers and beat him until he tells then where Bunny Lebowski is.

The kidnappers call the Dude on the Brick Celphone, the Dude picks up, “Dude here,” Walter is still chatting away and shouts out, “they’re a bunch of Fucking Amateurs!”

The kidnapper ask, “who that?” Dude tells him it’s the driver. The kidnapper reminds Dude that he’s supposed to be making drop alone.

Dude explains, “Hey Man. I can’t drive, talk on the phone, and drop off the money all alone.”

The kidnapper hangs up the phone and Dude tells Walter, “You Fucked it up. They’re gonna kill her.”

Walter states, “nothing is Fuck here Dude. She kidnapped herself. You said it. You’re being very Un-Dude Dude.

Hi Jinx ensues. The hand-off is botched and Walter and the Dude take-off. They go bowling.

The Dude leaves the Ransom Money in his car, and when they come out of the bowling alley his car is gone. Someone stole it.

As they are bowling, the Dude asks Walter, “what the Fuck are we gonna do?”

Walter, “What exactly is the problem?”

Dude, “What? Ah. We didn’t …. they’re gonna kill that poor woman.”

Walter, “What the Fuck are you talking about? That poor woman … That poor Slut kidnapped herself. You said it yourself Dude.”

The finish bowling and leave. When the get out into the bowling alley parking lot, they discovered that the Dude car is missing. Someone stole it. Dude says, Ah Fuck it,” and starts walking home as his celphone rings.

Donny says, “you’re phones ringing Dude.”

Dude, “Thank you Donny.”

Maude Lebowski (Big Lebowski’s daughter) claims responsibility for the rug and asks The Dude to visit. The case is closed on the rug.

The Dude visits Maude, who claims the whole kidnapping is a hoax and confirms that Bunny and the Nihilists are long-time friends. She believes that Bunny is using this as a ploy to make some cash to pay her debts. There is some concern that the ransom money has been taken from the Little Lebowski Urban Achievers. Maude offers the Dude $100,000 to recover the money for her, with which he can buy numerous rugs.

When Dude gets home, Brandt and the Big Lebowski are sitting in BL’s Limo, outside Dude’s house. The Big Lebowski’s limo driver strong-arms Dude toward Big Lebowski’s limo. Dude chimes, “careful Man, I got a Beverage here.” (referring to the White Russian in his hand)

The chauffeur throws the Dude in the Limo with Brandt and the Big Lebowski.

Big Lebowski, “start talking and talk fast you Bum!”

Brandt, “We been frantically trying to reach you Dude.”

Big Lebowski “Where’s my God Dam Money you Bum!”

Dude, “Well well. I dont … we.”

Big Lebowski, “The did not receive the money you Knit-Wit. Her life was in your hands.”

Brandt, “this is our concern Dude.”

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Dude, “Nothing is Fucked.”

Big Lebowski, “Nothing is Fucked? The God Dam Plane has crashed into the Mountain!”

The Big Lebowski hands Dude a little package. Dude opens it, and finds a toe inside (supposedly, the toe was cut off of Bunny’s foot).

Dude meats Walter for coffee and tells Dude that the toe is not Bunny’s toe and that he can get a toe by 3 o’clock, and with nail polish. “You don’t want to know Dude.”

“What about the Fucking Toe !!!???”

One day Maude Lebowski shows up at Dude’s house.

Maude, “Love me Jeffrey,” she tells him. They make love and then chat in bed afterwards. “The Maude tells Dude to tell her about himself. He tells her he was part of The SEATTLE SEVEN.

Dude gets up out of bed and makes himself a White Russsian. He asks Maude if she wants a cocktail. Dude notices Maude doing some kind of exercise and ask Maude if she’s doing Yoga.

Maude replies, “No, it increases the chance of conception.” Dude spits his cocktail out.

He spurts out, “Conception?”

Maude says, “yes, what do you think this is Fun & Games?” I want a child.”

Dude retorts, “let me explains something about the Dude here.”

Maude explains that she wants nothing to do with the child’s father and doesn’t want to have to be seen with him socially, and that he doesn’t have to support or see the child. She just wants to get pregnant so she can have a child.

As the Dude chats with Maude, he figures out the Big Lebowski’s whole scam. Dude calls up Walter and tells him he needs a ride to Pasadena. Walter says he can’t because it’s Shabbos and he can’t drive on the Jewish Holy Day.

Dude goes outside to wait for Walter, and finds DaFino a Private Dick outside his house.

DaFino tells Dude he loves his Work, “in and out of Bed with Everyone.”

DaFino asks Dude if he wants to trade information?

The Dude says, “FUCK you man. Stay away from my Special Lady.”

Walter picks the Dude up and they drive to Pasadena to the Big Lebowski’s House, where they confront him and tell him that he planned the whole kidnapping with using the Nihilist to extort a Million Dollars from the Little Lebowski Achievers Fund for under privileged children.

Dude and Walter meet Donny and go bowling.

When they come out of the bowling alley, Dude’s car is on fire in the parking lot.

Dude see his car on fire and says, “Well they finally Fucking did it. They Killed my Fucking Car.”

The Nihilist are outside and demand money from the Dude, “we want zee Money Lebowski.”

Nihlist 2, “Yeah or else we Kill the Girl.”

Dude, “You don’t have the Girl Fucking Girl Dip-Shit. You we know you never did.”

Donny says, “Are these the Nazis Walter?”

Walter, No Donny, these men are Nihilist. It’s nothing to be afraid of.”

Nihilist 1, “We still want the money, or we Fuck You Up Lebowski.”

Walter, “No man, you don’t have a hostage. Without a hostage, you don’t get a ransom. That’s what ransom is. Those are the Fucking rules.”

The Nihilist still want money.

Dude says, “here’s 4 Bucks, almost 5”

Donny says, “I got $18.”

Nihilist 1, “we Fuck you up man. We take the money.”

Nihilist, “We Fuck you up man.” He pulls out a Sword.

Dude, “come on Walter he’s got a Sword.”

The Nihilist fight with Walter and the Dude. Donny has a heart attack and dies.

Donny’s body is cremated.

The Dude and Walter go to the crematorium to pick up Donny’s ashes. The Funeral Director wants to charge them $180 for an Urn for Donny’s Ashes. Walter has a fit and says it’s too much, the proceeds to go to a Ralph’s Supermarket and buys a large can of Folger’s Coffee to put Donny’s ashes.

Walter and The Dude go to Malibu Beach to have a Ceremony for Donny and spread his ashes into the Pacific Ocean.

Walter shakes the coffee can and half of Donny’s end up spattered on the Dude and in his face. None of Donny’s ashes end up in the ocean. Dude is Pissed.

The END

The BIG LEBOWSKI COOKBOOK